Day vs. Night

Since the arrival of Thing 3 about two months ago, I have developed a bit of a split personality. Day SuburbanDaddy is the guy that gets up around 5am, gets the kids dressed and fed before rushing them off to preschool, then goes to work, followed by a final flurry of dinner-bath-bedtime. Night SuburbanDaddy is the one that comes out once the kids are finally asleep, hopefully by 8:30pm, and enjoys the relative quiet until the cycle repeats starting at 5am.

Day Daddy eats meals in 12 seconds, standing up, over the sink, while Things 1,2,3 are screaming, fighting, crying, or breaking stuff. Night Daddy sips a glass of wine and catches up on the day’s events, while quietly waiting for dinner to cook.

Day Daddy must maintain a steady flow of caffeine while at work to prevent falling asleep with his head on the keyboard. Night Daddy enjoys a bowl of ice cream every night before going to sleep.

Day Daddy is the responsible one. If there were no Night Daddy, Day would go to bed as soon as the kids were asleep, so the next day he wouldn’t be as sleep deprived. But Night Daddy doesn’t care how tired Day Daddy will be the next day. It’s not his problem. Night Daddy wants to enjoy a couple hours of free time. Watch a football game that goes well past midnight. Drink some wine. After all, why should Night Daddy cut short his fun?

Night Daddy has enormous power over Day Daddy’s life. The later Night stays up, and the more he drinks, the harder it is for Day in the morning. The power, though, is completely lopsided. There is almost nothing Day Daddy can do to ruin Night Daddy’s existence.

One way Day Daddy has tried to stop Night Daddy is by giving the kids lots and lots of chocolate after dinner. He figured that the kids wouldn’t go to bed until much later than 8:30, so Night Daddy wouldn’t get his usual time. But the plan backfired. Night Daddy said Screw You Day Daddy, and just stayed up later, causing Day Daddy even more trouble the next day because the kids had half a night’s sleep.

But Day Daddy has a new plan. He’s going to start slacking off at work, and let so much work pile up, that Night Daddy will be forced to spend his evenings working instead of enjoying a few hours to himself. Take that, Night Daddy!