Author: suburbandaddy

Don’t Hit Me

Two year olds will say some pretty random stuff. Sometimes it makes no sense. Sometimes it’s from something you did weeks ago.

Thing 3 does what I call a running commentary about nothing. Whatever pops into his mind cones out in words.

“Wow! A rock. I don’t like that. I eat feet.”

The “I don’t like that” comes out often because it’s being taught at preschool as a way to use words to express himself instead of having a tantrum.

I generally don’t pay much attention to his constant stream of consciousness. But sometimes you need to play close attention to what’s being said because it can be a clue to something important going on. Like a bad home environment or physical abuse.

Which brings us to Thing 3’s latest phrase he’s learning by using in all the wrong places. At preschool the children are taught to use their words, “Don’t hit me”, when their preschool friends hit them, instead of hitting them back.

Now, whenever you touch him, he responds with don’t hit me. When I go to comb his hair – don’t hit me. Change his diaper – don’t hit me. Put on his shirt – don’t hit me.

First it was the unexplained scratches all over his body (he likes to walk in the bushes), then the bruises (he jumps off everything), and now he goes around saying don’t hit me when anyone comes near him. It’s only a matter of time before someone assumes the worst and calls child protective services on me.

What’s in Your Bed?

This is how Thing 3 sleeps. Every single item is essential and must be precisely in the right place.

There are the Buzz and Woody dolls. A book. Not just any book. It must be the Backyardigans Jungle Colors book that is falling apart in three places. And Legos. You don’t sleep with Legos? You are missing out. And finally, three of SuburbanDaddy’s shirts which are used in place of a pillow and blanket.

Good Intentions Gone Bad

Sometimes the best intentions yield bad results. Last week, for Mothers Day, Thing 1 pledged to help. He even made this in school. How adorable.

So, with Thing 1 leading the way, he and Thing 2 set out to clean the basement. They may even have told me first. I don’t remember, they tell me a lot of stuff.? SuburbanMommy was enjoying her Mothers Day outside the house, so I had my hands full.?? I’m not sure what they were doing, I was just glad they weren’t fighting.? I assumed cleaning the basement meant what it always had until that point, which consisted of picking up all the toys and balls and other stuff.

A little while later, I spotted Thing 2 on his way to the basement. He was wearing goggles and had a roll of paper towels. His socks were soaking wet.

Me: “What are you guys doing down there?”

Thing 2: “We’re cleaning”

It was time to take a look.? With Thing 4 in my arms, I went to the basement to check out this cleaning operation.? I found the basement carpet was wet.? Really wet.? There were puddles of water on the floor in the bathroom.? Several towels were soaking wet.? They were wetting the towels, then carrying them, dripping wet, to parts of the basement to “clean” them.? How adorable.? To be more efficient, Thing 1 instructed Thing 2 to use the other sink at the wet bar.? Now there were two sources of puddles on the floor.

Let’s look at the bright side. They were trying to help. How often does that happen? They were also working together without fighting. That’s a good thing.? After using nearly an entire roll of paper towels to soak up the water, I asked:

“Is there anything else you cleaned I should know about?”

“No.” Then he thought about it. “Yes.”

“What?”

“The pillows”

They had taken the pillows from the couch and held them under the water in the sink to wash them.? Then put them back on the couch.?? Adorable.

How Girls Are Different So Far

When Thing 4 arrived, our first girl after 3 boys, I was fully prepared for everything that comes with a newborn. Car seats, strollers, bottles, sleepless nights, spit-ups, crying. Been there, done that 3 times.

Most stuff is pretty much the same, so far, with a girl as it was with the boys. I know this will change soon enough. But there have been some differences already.

Girls get a lot more gifts, especially clothes. We have already filled all her drawers and closet with clothes from family, friends, neighbors, and people we’ve never met before.

Girls don’t pee all over you and the wall when you change their diaper.

Girls need to have some pink on them at all times. Blankets, bibs, and clothes which are gender neutral colors like white or green or yellow, and were perfectly good for 3 boys, all need to be replaced with new ones which have pink on them.

What else am I in for with a girl?

Take Your Child To No Work Day

Yesterday was take your child to work day, or as it’s officially known, Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work Day. It started in 1993 with just girls but has expanded to boys in 2003.

I get the concept. Give kids an idea what their parents do all day. But that’s hardly what happened yesterday. Thing 1 had a day packed with fun activities and kids programs.

After a breakfast spread of cereals, fruit, and juice boxes, we had a kickoff speaker/pep rally for the hundreds of kids ages 6-12 that were attending.

Then the activities started. More than a dozen to choose from, I had pre-registered Thing 1 and me for five 45 minute sessions including an outdoor obstacle course and kickball, planting flowers for earth day, art projects, a scavenger hunt, and tour of the video studio. In between there was an all you can eat lunch buffett and ice cream party. Then a choice of two movies at the end of the day.

At no point did I engage in normal work day activities. I assure you a typical day for me does not include coloring. The kids did get to observe some work, I guess, if you count the people with no kids who were at their desks trying to work amidst the constant parade of kids asking which activity we’re doing next.

A New One For Me

After four kids I thought I had seen everything disgusting that was possible involving poop.? There are the incidents I’ve posted about before involving the swimming pool, at the McDonald’s play place, in the washing machine, and at the zoo.? And now I can add another – the bathtub.

We did the usual triple bath last night – all three boys in the tub at the same time.? It can get crazy and cause a mess, but it’s the quickest way to get baths over with.? Thing 3 likes to has to stay in the tub until all the water is out.? Even then it’s a fight to get him to come out.? This kid loves water.

He was sitting in the tub, with no water, when I was helping Thing 2 brush his hair.? When I looked back at the tub, whoomp! there it was.?? I had my iPhone handy to snap a photo for this post but I thought I’d spare you all and leave something to the imagination.? Since he isn’t potty trained I tried to turn it into a teachable moment.? “Poop goes in the potty. “? He wasn’t very impressed.? I fear we’re in for more of these adventures as he goes through potty training.?? Does anyone know a potty training “expert” I can call?