suburbandaddy | SuburbanDaddy

Introducing Thing 4

Thing 4 For those of you who have been following SuburbanDaddy for awhile, I’d like to introduce the newest addition, Thing 4! I’m not sure which is bigger news – that there is a Thing 4, or that Thing 4 is a girl.

I’m happy that with three older brothers she will be very well protected in her teenage dating years. Forget about the nerves a teenage boy will feel having to face questions from her dad, SuburbanDaddy, for the first time. How about the gauntlet he will face going through Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3.

Thing 3 already needs to be restrained if you try to take away his milk or Buzz Lightyear toy. Image what he’ll do if you make his little sister upset. Of course, with three older brothers, she will probably be pretty tough herself.

Over the next few months, I look forward to sleepless nights, spit ups, and lugging around baby gear. I also look forward to a whole new set of material that I can write about here. That’s the real reason we added a Thing 4.

Exchange Kids Clothing Online

Do you have lots of perfectly good kids clothes that are never worn because they’ve grown out of them? Of course you do. How would you like to trade them for clothes in their size?

I recently found a new website where you can do just that. ThredUP Kids is the way busy families conveniently exchange kids clothing online. ThredUP already lets you exchange adult clothing and the kids service is launching soon. You can sign up now.

Note: I did not receive any incentives to post this. I just think it’s a great idea.

If Adults Were Like Two Year Olds

Two year olds are notorious for their moody, irrational behavior. It’s called the terrible two’s for a reason. Imagine if the terrible two’s never ended. What would life be like?

Well, for starters, I certainly wouldn’t show up to work on time. I would go only when I felt like it. If I felt like it.

When I finally did get to work and walked into a meeting, late, I would immediately cause a huge uproar because someone was already sitting in the chair I wanted. When the other person refused to change seats, because they also were acting like a two year old, I would throw myself on the floor, face down, and cry for a good 5 minutes. Then I would be in the best mood ever and act as if the last 10 minutes never happened.

At lunch, I’d order my favorite meal which I would eat three times a day: ice cream. When I got the ice cream, I would get really, really mad because it was in the wrong kind of bowl. Which bowl would have been the right kind? Trick question. They are ALL the wrong kind.

On the weekend I would visit a friend’s house. When I got there, I would touch everything and climb on the furniture. I would go to their bedroom, dump out all the drawers, and change all the settings on their alarm clocks. Then I would take off my clothes and pee on the carpet. But my friend wouldn’t care, because he’d be doing the same thing.

When it was time to go home, I’d get in my car and drive on the wrong side of the street. Just because I felt like it. And, of course, I would have a piece of Tupperware on my head which I stole from my friend’s house.

Yes, life as a two year old would be pretty good.

Most Disgusting Back Seat Ever

I installed a new car seat today, trying to figure out how to fit 2 boosters + 1 toddler seat + 1 infant seat into a Honda Pilot. The trick is arranging them to minimize opportunities for hitting, touching, and throwing things at each other.

Since the seats were all out I thought it would be a good idea to vacuum the car before installing the new one. Here’s a picture to give an idea what the back seat was like. I’m not sure the photo does it justice. It was disgusting.

Parent Abuse

I am regularly abused by Thing 3. He likes to randomly jump on me, bop me on the head, and generally use me as his personal jungle gym. Lately, he has become very bossy with his newly emerging ability to talk.

“Daddy, sit”, “Daddy read book”, and my personal favorite “On Daddy head” which means put this on your head.

I suppose I bring this on myself because I put things on my head to entertain him.

This hard to see, grainy image is not a captured terrorist. It is me being held captive by a 2 year old so he can jump on, climb on, and torture me by hitting my head with books, toys, and various stuffed animals. And I love every minute of it.

California Raisins Popcorn Snack Mix

raisinguy The California Raisin Marketing Board promotes the increased use of raisins grown in California. Raisins are very popular in the SuburbanDaddy household. You may remember how Thing 3 loves to eat raisins and occasionally does some other things with them.

We tried the Five Spice Snack Mix recipe.? Continue reading California Raisins Popcorn Snack Mix

How A Two Year Old Can Get You Fired

Two year olds can get into a lot of trouble. Thing 3 certainly gets into his share. Breaking, climbing, running off, throwing, hitting, screaming are all part of the daily program. But now I’ve seen how this trouble can cross over into a parent’s work life.

This week Thing 3 found my work Blackberry. Normally, it password locks the screen after a few minutes of inactivity, but he got it too fast. Still, I didn’t think there was too much trouble he could cause.
Continue reading How A Two Year Old Can Get You Fired

I Wish This Was Uncommon

This sort of thing happens so often I hardly even notice it anymore. But, taken out of context, I have to think it looks different.

Thing 1: Daddy, Thing 2 peed on the floor

Me: How do you know?

Thing 1: He told me

Me: [to Thing 2] Did you pee on the floor?

Thing 2: No

Me: Did you pee on the floor?

Thing 2: Yes

Clearly he has no future as a spy and would never hold up under questioning.

Me: Where was it so we can clean it up?

Thing 2: I don’t remember

There are dozens of conversations like this every day. To me, this is completely normal.