suburbandaddy | SuburbanDaddy

What I Learned This Christmas

Santa had what he thought was a gift for Thing 1 and Thing 2 this year. What better to get for a couple of energetic boys than a Jump-O-Gym Toddler Trampoline Bouncer. We had been envisioning for a month the furious jumping which would take place Christmas morning. Then we would be sipping hot cocoa while they slept. Ah, dreamers.
Well, Santa didn’t do a good job planning it out. Ok, it was me. It turns out the bouncer doesn’t come with a pump! You can imagine the looks of disappointment.

Luckily, Suburban Aunt and boyfriend also had the same gift idea after spending two nights at our house. They got a full on moonbounce. And it came with an electric pump.
It goes from to in about 30 seconds.

Now we had two moonbounces, if I could just pump the other one up. I managed to find a pump which would work. How hard could it be to fill a toy up with air? In a word: very.

After 64 minutes of pumping, and pumping, and pumping, I learned that you do not pump up a Jump-O-Gym Toddler Trampoline Bouncer that looks like this

with a pump like this

Who Said Variety Is A Good Thing?

Whoever said variety is the spice of life, wasn’t around a toddler very often. While Thing 2’s bedtime routine is endearing, many of the other routines are quite maddening. Case in point: the daily battle over the brown car seat.

We have two identical car seats for Thing 1 and Thing 2. More accurately, they are what you and I would call identical. Not a toddler. The seats in question are both Britax Roundabouts, identical in every way except one is gray and one is brown.

Part of our morning and afternoon routines is the fight over who gets to sit in the brown car seat. Usually, we make it part of an incentive program to get them out the door faster. Some examples

“Whoever is dressed first gets to sit in the brown seat”

“The one who whines the most sits in the gray seat”

“Whoever sits in the gray seat gets out first”. (Getting out of the car first is another daily ~~fight~~ routine)

We have one gray and one brown seat in both cars. That way, both Suburban Mommy and Suburban Daddy get to experience this daily ritual.

The minute you try to make rational sense out of why the brown seat is worth fighting over, don’t bother. If there is only one kid in the car, they could care less which seat they sit in. In fact, they’ll usually sit in the gray seat by choice. It’s only when their brother is there that they actually care about the color.

I know what you are thinking. Just switch the seats so one car has two grays and other has two browns. Oh, if it were only that simple. When the battle isn’t over color, it is over who sits in the back row of the minivan, or who gets to sit behind the driver, or gets in the car first. I stopped trying to apply logic a long time ago.

The lesson here is to have no variety. In anything. If I were doing it again, I would get two identical cars, with identical car seats. And as we’ve learned, identical also means the exact same color.

The Next American Idol?

This is from last year but it’s still great to watch. Thing 1 sings the holiday classics at his “piano”. That is, when he isn’t distracted by the blocks in the piano.

Preschoolers: Trust But Verify

I consider myself somewhat of an authority on the 3 and under set. But with our oldest, Thing 1, we are blazing the trail and learning as we go. Today, we learned a very valuable lesson with preschoolers.

Thing 1 has been talking all week about how his class was having pajama day on Friday. It’s something they do occasionally so it seemed legit. Usually, though, the teachers will post a notice on the bulletin board to remind parents. This time there was no such notice, so I was a bit skeptical.

But, I asked Thing 1 many times this week, “Are you sure you are having pajama day this Friday?”. He assured me he was. I think you see where this is going.

When Suburban Mommy and Thing 1 entered the classroom, he was the only one in pajamas. His friends came up to him laughing and asked why he was wearing pajamas. Then the tears. I know, now, that four years is the age at which kids develop the ability to be embarrassed in front of a group.

From now on, I will make sure to verify whatever preschoolers tell me.

More Celebrity Look-Alikes

I promised I would do more look-alikes. Here is one for Thing 3. I see some resemblance in the nose.

Toddler Body Builder

This never gets old in our family. A natural performer, Thing 2 loves to show off his muscles. He’ll do a few poses, then realize everyone is looking at him (and laughing), and then he gets embarrassed and slumps his shoulders. It’s very funny. And I can assure you that, unlike major league baseball, this todder is not using steroids.

It’s Not What You Think

Watching this dimly lit scene between Thing 1 and Thing 2 made me flash forward about a dozen years. I started to picture an innocent, teenage Thing 2, getting a lesson from his big brother on how to “take a hit”.

Then the image in my mind unraveled further, to Thing 2 hanging around all day in his sweatpants, no shirt, in a dorm room somewhere, smoking pot all day. Good thing they are only in preschool and I don’t have to worry about it yet.

Here’s what was really going on:

More Tests Of Wills With A Preschooler

The test of wills with Thing 1 continues. The latest battles have been over something you probably won’t hear talked about at a presidential debate. It’s the age old debate of Sweatpants vs. Jeans. Thing 1 insists on wearing sweatpants. Every day. He was fine with jeans for, oh, three and a half years. But I guess there comes a point in every preschooler’s life, when he must take a stand and choose a side. Thing 1 chooses sweatpants.

I know, pick your battles. And I really don’t care if he wears sweatpants every day. Except I’d rather not have to do laundry every 3 days when there are so many clean pairs of jeans he can wear.

So, we get what happened this morning. Thing 1 was in a great mood and eager to go off to school, until he saw the clothes I brought down for him. M – E – L – T – D – O – W – N.

I held my ground and sent him to the basement until he could calm down. Before you turn me into child protective services for locking my kid in the basement, realize that our basement is fully finished and a virtual paradise for kids, with endless toys, games, books, and art supplies. The only reason it is a punishment to be there is because I made him go.

In true Thing 1 fashion, he stayed downstairs without much fight. That’s because he was plotting his next move. Then we heard the crash of toys.

The battle resumes tonight when he finds out no dessert unless he cleans up the toys. I already know where that will take us, but sometimes a daddy needs to take a stand and choose a side. I’ll let you know how it turns out.