funny | SuburbanDaddy

Too Much Work

Thing 3 is the hardest one to wake up. He is not a morning person and prefers to wake up slowly. Getting him up for school during the week is a struggle.

Today we had the usual whining and resistance. Then he added, “I don’t want to go to school.”

He sounded serious. Like maybe something happened the day before. You hear about bullying and think the worst. Although, with Thing 3, he’s more likely to be the one bullying.

I asked him why he didn’t want to go to school.

He was quick to respond. And completely serious.

“Because it’s too much work”

Before you start debating how teachers give too much homework, consider this: He is in Kindergarten! And he was referring to this week’s unit on money (pennies, dimes, etc)

Kids today are used to having electronic devices all the time to entertain them. So, when Thing 1 got in trouble and lost all “screen time” (TV, video games) privileges for the day, he was forced to use creativity to entertain himself. He came up with the Origami Football Helmet.

The Dream Is Shattered

Thing 2: Daddy, will you ever be president?

Me: I don’t think so.

He was very serious when he asked. A seven year old’s image of his father, shattered.

Beware Dangerous Fruit Snacks

Fruit snacks are a staple in our house. The 5th food group. The top of the food pyramid.

Trying to get the kids to school on time? Fruit snacks. Need to calm down a cranky kid at the store? Fruit snacks.

I have fruit snacks stashed in the car, in coat pockets, and any other place I may need them. We buy fruit snacks by the truckload at Costco.

But I guess I’ve never actually read what’s on the box until now. Apparently, fruit snacks are dangerous and should only be fed to seated, supervised children. Well, when does that happen?

And, apparently they also contain Carnauba Wax. That doesn’t sound very good for them.

Naked Day

At preschool, there are often different theme days. Pajama day. Wacky hair day. Show and share day.

Today, Thing 3 offered up a new theme idea. He said, “Mommy, when is naked day? I wanna show my friends my booty…and wear a hat.”

Where Are The Bad Guys

There was an episode tonight where Thing 1 tried to impose his “rules” on him, so Thing 3 hit him in the face and was promptly sent to his room.

SuburbanMommy [in a stern voice]: There is no hitting in this house.

Thing 3: Then I need to go to a new house.

SuburbanMommy: What kind of house do you need to go to?

Thing 3: A house with bad guys.

Some of the bad guys he means include Darth Vader, and a dragon.

It is impossible to have a serious parent-child discussion with a kid who is constantly making you laugh.

Human Alarm Clock

Kids don’t like to wake up especially for school. Luckily, we have Thing 4 the human alarm clock. If her racket starting at 5:30am doesn’t do the trick, she will climb all over your bed and sit on you. I take her from room to room to get the boys up for school.