Category: funny

Thanksgiving According To An 8 Year Old

Ever wonder what kids remember about the holidays? Here is Thing 1’s account of our Thanksgiving. He tells a nice story, full of suspense, building to the exiting finish. The transcript follows in case you can’t read his writing. And yes, it’s about football because, well, that’s his obsession in case you haven’t noticed.? I think he may have a future as a sports broadcaster.? The next Bob Costas.

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This long, long, long weekend I celebrated Thanksgiving. My Uncle, Aunt, and Grandpa came.? We watched Football. We watched the Packers vs Lions. The Packers won 27-15. We watched the Dolphins vs Cowboys. The Cowboys won 20-19. We watched the Ravens vs 49ers. The Ravens won 16-6 Ravens…9 sacks. 49ers…6 points. I also go a DSI and two games for it. I got Super mario bros. I also got MLB2K11. On Sunday I watched Football. I watched the Bills vs Jets. The Jets were losing 24-21 with 3:00 left. They had the ball in their own territory on 3rd down. I was so nervous until…

First down! First down again! Another first down! Another first down! Again a first down! Now it’s first and goal. Incomplete pass. 2 and goal…
TOUCHDOWN JETS! Then the Bills were in the Redzone with 0:15 left. Incomplete pass. Incomplete pass. Incomplete pass. Incomplete pass. The Jets win! 28-24!

A Strange Noise In The Night

After 8 years of conditioning I am a very light sleeper. I am regularly awakened by crying, coughing, and middle of the night bathroom trips (not mine, the Things). Often I have a hard time getting back asleep.

Last night, I woke up to strange sounds. At first, I thought it was Thing 4 crying because she has been sick this week and waking up a lot during the night. I finally realized it was muffled voices and saw the lights were on downstairs. It was 3:15 am.

I went downstairs and found Thing 2 on the couch, all the lights on, and the TV was playing. All of this actually isn’t that surprising for Thing 2. He said the crickets woke him up. But what was unusual about it was what he was watching. The replay of Jay Leno and the Tonight Show. He is six years old.

Jay Leno

Here Sign This

Today as Thing 1 was leaving for the bus stop, he handed me a paper I had to sign. Mornings are a bit chaotic, trying to get Thing 1 and Thing 2 out the door for the school bus at 7:25am, while also getting the younger Things dressed and fed.

One scenario is that he remembered just as he was walking out the door. It was the first day back after a long weekend, so it’s plausible that he forgot until this very last minute.

Or, another scenario that is just dawning on me as a likely one, is that he purposefully waited until the last moment so that, in the confusion, I would not read it and just sign it. ?If that was the plan, it worked. ?I assumed it was another reading log. ?We sign it to verify that he did his reading assignment.

As it turns out, the paper was to inform us that Thing 1 got in trouble at lunch on Friday. ?He was being loud and disruptive along with a bunch of other kids.

Lesson learned. ?When your kid hands you a paper and says “sign it”, make sure you read if first.

Here’s a picture of Thing 1 from this weekend. ?Don’t let the cuteness fool you. ?While he was picking apples and cheering for the Jets, he was also plotting a “sign and dash” that worked perfectly on me.

Apple Picking

Future Criminal Mastermind

We had a little mystery to solve this week. Someone had written, in pen, on the wall. There were just a few letters and what looked like a star or maybe a shape which had been scribbled over.

Who could have done it? There were only three prime suspects. Thing 4 was off the hook because it was higher than she can reach. And at 16 months she doesn’t know how to write letters. For that reason, we ruled out Thing 3 because the letters were too nicely written for a four year old.

That left Thing 1 and Thing 2. Luckily, there was one really strong clue that made it pretty obvious. There were only two letters, written twice each, as the start of the same word. Not a lot to go on, except they happened to be the first two letters of Thing 2’s name. When confronted, he wisely confessed rather than try to deny it, because, fortunately for us, he is one of the world’s worst liars. He will not have a bright future as either a poker player or a criminal mastermind.

Dreams Are In There

Thing 3 has a new sleeping arrangement following a dream episode last week. He woke up screaming one night, terrified of bumble bees. He spent the remainder of that night in our bed. Which means we got even less sleep than normal with his squirming and kicking.

The next night the dreams came again, and this time he spent the remainder of the night on the floor in our room. At least we all could get a decent night sleep that way.

The next night, before bed, I had a long conversation with Thing 3 to try to ease his fears. I explained that dreams are not real, like watching TV. The way to stop a dream is to just wake up because then it’s gone. And I told him about the “magic” toys in his room that will protect him from dreams, something that worked well with Thing 2.

He wasn’t really buying it. Instead I got a barrage of questions as only Thing 3 can unleash. What are dreams? Where are they during the day? Why do dreams come when I sleep? Do you have dreams? How about animals?

The questioning went on like this for a good 10 minutes. Then he decided he couldn’t sleep in his room because dreams are hiding there, so he found a spot in the hallway just outside his doorway. He has been sleeping in this spot for a week now.

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