Category: funny

Grocery Shopping With A Three Year Old

Thing 3 eats. A lot. You may recall his “Michelin Man” nickname as a baby.

But he is VERY particular about what he eats. So much, in fact, that he prefers to do his own grocery shopping. Lucky for us, the local supermarket caters to just his demographic: three year olds who watch a lot of movies.

With a pint sized shopping cart, Thing 3 makes his way through the aisles, until he finds all his favorites. First up, the mac and cheese section. The store is very smart to put the Toy Story themed boxes within his reach.

Unlike SuburbanDaddy, who zig-zags across the store looking for items on his list, Thing 3 knows his way around like a pro.

Of course, his favorite spot is the dairy aisle. With the amount of milk he drinks, it’s like the opening scene from Leaving Las Vegas when Nicholas Cage dances with a shopping cart down the aisle at the liquor store.

No trip to the store would be complete without a tantrum.? In this case, it happens when we need to take all the items out of his cart and pay for them.?? Here he is sitting on the floor and crying in protest.

Not to worry, they have free balloons on the way out.? Balloons are a sure fire tantrum stopper.? Just make sure not to let go of the balloon in the parking lot.? That would be the nuclear bomb of tantrums.? Trust me.

Don’t Fight

We have been working for a long time with Thing 3 to use his words instead of crying when he wants something. Or, more likely, when he doesn’t want something.

Rather than breaking into a tantrum because he wants Apple Jacks instead of Fruit Loops, or the green bowl instead of the blue, or because he only will wear white socks, we want him to just say what he wants. I’m more than happy to give him the green bowl.

So we encourage him to use his words. At preschool they do the same, teaching the kids to say “Don’t hit me” when their friends hit them, instead of hitting back.

He is making progress and often uses words instead of a tantrum. But sometimes he uses the wrong words for the situation and the results can be quite entertaining.

In one situation at school, he didn’t like what was for lunch so he said “No, don’t fight!”. The teachers were a little puzzled until we explained he says that when he doesn’t like something. He probably picked it up from me telling his brothers to stop fighting a hundred times a day.

Then, in another situation, he mentioned something about Mommy picking him up. When the teacher said Mommy wasn’t coming until the afternoon, he said “No, Don’t hit me!”

Now the teachers were a little concerned. When he talks about Mommy, he uses words about hitting and fighting? They asked if anything is going on at home.

This wasn’t the only time “Don’t hit me” may have concerned someone. When we are out, and Thing 3 is doing stuff he shouldn’t be, like knocking everything off the shelf at the supermarket, and we ask him to pick it up, his response is “Don’t hit me!”. You can see how someone passing by might get the wrong idea.

Still, words are better than tantrums. Even if they aren’t the right words.

Don’t Hit Me

Two year olds will say some pretty random stuff. Sometimes it makes no sense. Sometimes it’s from something you did weeks ago.

Thing 3 does what I call a running commentary about nothing. Whatever pops into his mind cones out in words.

“Wow! A rock. I don’t like that. I eat feet.”

The “I don’t like that” comes out often because it’s being taught at preschool as a way to use words to express himself instead of having a tantrum.

I generally don’t pay much attention to his constant stream of consciousness. But sometimes you need to play close attention to what’s being said because it can be a clue to something important going on. Like a bad home environment or physical abuse.

Which brings us to Thing 3’s latest phrase he’s learning by using in all the wrong places. At preschool the children are taught to use their words, “Don’t hit me”, when their preschool friends hit them, instead of hitting them back.

Now, whenever you touch him, he responds with don’t hit me. When I go to comb his hair – don’t hit me. Change his diaper – don’t hit me. Put on his shirt – don’t hit me.

First it was the unexplained scratches all over his body (he likes to walk in the bushes), then the bruises (he jumps off everything), and now he goes around saying don’t hit me when anyone comes near him. It’s only a matter of time before someone assumes the worst and calls child protective services on me.

What’s in Your Bed?

This is how Thing 3 sleeps. Every single item is essential and must be precisely in the right place.

There are the Buzz and Woody dolls. A book. Not just any book. It must be the Backyardigans Jungle Colors book that is falling apart in three places. And Legos. You don’t sleep with Legos? You are missing out. And finally, three of SuburbanDaddy’s shirts which are used in place of a pillow and blanket.

Good Intentions Gone Bad

Sometimes the best intentions yield bad results. Last week, for Mothers Day, Thing 1 pledged to help. He even made this in school. How adorable.

So, with Thing 1 leading the way, he and Thing 2 set out to clean the basement. They may even have told me first. I don’t remember, they tell me a lot of stuff.? SuburbanMommy was enjoying her Mothers Day outside the house, so I had my hands full.?? I’m not sure what they were doing, I was just glad they weren’t fighting.? I assumed cleaning the basement meant what it always had until that point, which consisted of picking up all the toys and balls and other stuff.

A little while later, I spotted Thing 2 on his way to the basement. He was wearing goggles and had a roll of paper towels. His socks were soaking wet.

Me: “What are you guys doing down there?”

Thing 2: “We’re cleaning”

It was time to take a look.? With Thing 4 in my arms, I went to the basement to check out this cleaning operation.? I found the basement carpet was wet.? Really wet.? There were puddles of water on the floor in the bathroom.? Several towels were soaking wet.? They were wetting the towels, then carrying them, dripping wet, to parts of the basement to “clean” them.? How adorable.? To be more efficient, Thing 1 instructed Thing 2 to use the other sink at the wet bar.? Now there were two sources of puddles on the floor.

Let’s look at the bright side. They were trying to help. How often does that happen? They were also working together without fighting. That’s a good thing.? After using nearly an entire roll of paper towels to soak up the water, I asked:

“Is there anything else you cleaned I should know about?”

“No.” Then he thought about it. “Yes.”

“What?”

“The pillows”

They had taken the pillows from the couch and held them under the water in the sink to wash them.? Then put them back on the couch.?? Adorable.

Poor Buzz

I’ve posted before about Thing 3’s obsession with Toy Story. We are a movie merchandisers dream. Thing 3 used to be inseparable from his Buzz Lightyear. But lately, their relationship has changed.

Thing 3 is now more interested in dropping him on the floor over and over to see what happens. We know what happens, which you can see in these photos. Buzz breaks. He’s missing both arms, his wings, an the retractable helmet.

In Toy Story the movie, there is a kid named Sid who mutilates and destroys toys for fun. Thing 3 seems to be recreating that character.