kids say the funniest | SuburbanDaddy

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

We all knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time. Frankly, I’m amazed it didn’t happen to me sooner. It will most certainly happen again.

Thing 3 had his first “I’m so sorry my kid said that” moment. Like I said, I can’t believe this was the first. If you’ve spent any time with him you know what I mean.

We were at the mall, in a public restroom. It was a small bathroom for a mall, with just room for two at a time. Thing 3 was finishing up washing his hands and looking for a paper towel to dry them.

The other party was ahead of Thing 3 at the paper towels. The only sounds were of paper crumbling, until, in a voice that was way too loud for the circumstances, which is pretty much the way he talks all the time, Thing 3 exclaimed:

That’s a fat guy!!!

Gulp.

Thing 3 was technically correct. Very correct. And I was thinking this is the last time I take him out in public.

It’s No Fluke

Just in case you thought the other day’s rambling was a fluke, I present these which were all asked, one after another, within one minute.

What happens when you eat a flower?

What is salad made out of?

One time I ate a shark and it was really good. It was a fire shark.

What do you make so the power doesn’t go out?

How do you make a mistake?

A Flurry Of Curiosity

Children have a wonderful curiosity about the world around them. And, like a typical 4 year old, there is no end to Thing 3’s curiosity.

And there is no end to his questions. From the moment he wakes until he finally drifts off to sleep, there is a constant stream of talking and questions.

Sometimes, he gets into what I call The Zone. It seems to happen when he’s in a good mood. There will be a flurry of random, curious, imaginative, unrelated questions and it will be impossible to keep a straight face.

Here is a sampling of The Zone from today. These were all said within just a few minutes. And these are just the ones we could remember afterwards.

Mommy, will you go to India with me?

Mommy, are we going to watch boxing?

Mommy, can I go inside a volcano?

Mommy, where do astronauts go after outer space?

Mommy, when does the library open?

Mommy, how do you play hockey?

Giants and Beanstalks

Fruit Snacks Thing 3: Mommy, can I climb the beanstalk up to the clouds with a giant?

SuburbanMommy: Sure. Do you know any giants?

Thing 3: Eli Manning!

Oh. And Thing 3 also likes to put fruit snacks on his face. Why? He says he is being Yoshi. No, it doesn’t make any sense. Except to Thing 3.

The Secret Is Out

In preschool this week the topic is “Occupations”. Thing 3 learns about different jobs like librarian and police officer. ?The teacher asked each child about their parents’ occupations.

Teacher: What is your mommy’s occupation?

Thing 3: She puts on a show.

Teacher: Oh, what kind of show?

Thing 3: A show for money.

Teacher: Really?! And who is the show for?

Thing 3: Daddy

He never ceases to amaze. Clearly Thing 3 has a very vivid imagination.

My Name Is

It’s probably an understatement to say Thing 3 does not like change. If his routine, food, clothes, and conversations were the same every day, he would be just fine.

Today he had a new teacher in swim class. Considering how long it took him to feel comfortable with the last one, it was no surprise he was less than cooperative.

The new teacher cheerfully said, “Hi! What’s your name?”

Thing 3’s reply: “My name is Stinkpot.”

From Another Planet

I often think that Thing 3 is from another planet. He is truly an original as you have seen. Today he provided yet another clue.

We were watching Backyardigans, having nothing to do with space travel, when out of the blue he offered this:

Thing 3: I want to go on another planet. I don’t like our planet. I want to go to Mars. Mars is good.

Me: Why is Mars good?

Thing 3: Because Mars is the best planet. Because it’s so red. Because it’s a ball.

Where on Earth, or Mars, does he get this stuff?

Questions

I got a new iPhone 4S today. One of the new features is Siri, a voice activated assistant that answers your questions. Questions like “will it rain tomorrow” and “what movies are playing tonight.”

Naturally, as soon as they saw it, The Things wanted to ask Siri questions. When it was Thing 3’s turn, this is what he wanted to know.

Thing 3: How tall is a cracker?

Siri had trouble with that one. I can’t blame her. I struggle with his questions myself. Next question.

Thing 3: How is a Fruit By The Foot taller than milk?

I believe Siri has met its match.