parents today | SuburbanDaddy

Saving For College

The cost when my kids go to college will be upwards of $100,000. And that’s for each kid! Better start saving now. That’s why I use Upromise.

In five years, we have made more than $600 for doing, well, nothing. All we did was sign up for a free account. Then, when you make purchases at stores you would shop at anyway, you get a small percentage back in your college savings account. Buy gas at Exxon-Mobil? Get $0.23. Buy anything at Target? Get 4% back. Walmart, JCPenney, eBay? There are hundreds of stores.

That grocery and drugstore shoppers card you already use, which gives you store discounts, also gets you free money in your college savings account, when you sign up with Upromise.

You can get the whole family involved. Sign grandma and grandpa up and when they put gas in their car or buy groceries, they will also be adding to their grandkids’ college funds.

Who said you can’t get something for nothing?

The Disgusting Part Of Being A Parent

When new parents hear what to expect from parenthood, they know about the lack of sleep, added expenses, and time constraints. But what new parents don’t fully appreciate is just how disgusting parenting can be.

I’m not just talking of the dirty diapers and burping and spit ups a newborn goes through. That’s nothing compared with the joys of potty training once they get older. Oh, and I can easily deal with some pee on the carpet or poop that misses the bowl. What you are about to hear goes far beyond these on the disgusting scale.

Thing 1 has struggled with potty training to say the least (see this and this for some history). Recently, we stumbled upon what is possibly the source of his troubles. Who knew a four year old could become constipated? After reading up on the causes and symptoms – low fiber diet, drinks lots of milk, holds in and avoids going to point of accident – it now seems so obvious. How could we have missed it? Terrible parents.

Getting back to the disgusting part. On several occasions, when he did manage to make it to the toilet in time, the, uh, specimens, were extremely large and dried. To the point where we asked how something that big could come out of a little kid. So big, in fact, that they actually stopped up the toilet. I’ve never heard of such a thing from anyone, let alone a 4 year old. I guess it’s information you wouldn’t readily volunteer.

One time, the specimen was too big to fit through the opening at the bottom of the toilet. Even after several flushes. So I was forced to break it into pieces. Again, not information I would readily volunteer. I used a plastic knife to break it up in case you are wondering.

Another time, Thing 1 wasn’t able to make it to the bathroom in time and he had an accident. It was just a #1 accident so I promptly put his wet clothes in the washing machine. That is, I thought it was just a #1 accident. Let’s just say there were a few “pebbles” in his pants, too.

They were so dried out, they remained in pebble form throughout an entire wash cycle. And dry cycle. Yes, I put the clothes in the dryer, too. It isn’t exactly something you look for before putting wet clothes in the dryer. It was only after a day of “what is that strange smell” when I realized what had happened. Then I had to decontaminate our washer, dryer, and try to eliminate all traces of “pebbles”. Fun.

So, when I hear new parents talk about “disgusting” spit up and icky diapers, I smile and think to myself Just wait a few more years. Then you’ll know the meaning of disgusting.

Toddler Comfort Objects

A comfort object can be an important part of a toddler’s emotional development. It can also be quite amusing, depending on the object.

We never experienced comfort objects with Thing 1. He isn’t really the sensitive, emotional type. We’re lucky when we get a goodnight hug from him. Thing 2 is the opposite. He’ll randomly walk up to someone, anyone, and give them a hug. He also has quite a stable of comfort objects.

Since he was a year old, he has slept with a “night-night”. What is a night-night? It is one of daddy’s T-shirts. He uses one or two as a pillow, and another as a blanket. And, since his nose is always running, by the morning the night-night is covered in snot and needs to be washed. So, as a result, I never have a clean T-shirt to wear.

Right now, another of his favorite comfort objects is this two and a half inch character that came as the driver in a toy dump truck. What you and I would call junk, Thing 2 affectionately calls Mustache Guy. When I pick him up at preschool, the first question he asks is “Where is mustache guy?” Lord help me if I don’t know.

Mustache Guy

Also very popular right now are baseball hats. He wears one pretty much all the time. Even while sleeping. Like I said, comfort objects can be amusing. As long as you don’t lose them.

What comfort objects does your toddler have?

Daddy’s Dirty Little Secrets

The weight of these two secrets has been building and building, and I just need to get them off my conscience.? You must promise never to tell my kids.

Secret #1: When reading? books to my kids, I often skip words, paragraphs, or even entire pages.? Especially at bedtime.? We have some Thomas the train and Dr. Seuss books that take a really long time to read.? Sometimes, I just flip through the pages, ? avoiding the words altogether, and just make up a few words of my own.

Secret #2: I sneak candy out of their Halloween bags.? Not from Thing 1’s bag, because he counts all the pieces and knows exactly how much he has.? But Thing 2 is too young to realize it, so I keep doing it.

Ok, so I’m a terrible parent.? But can you honestly tell me you haven’t done the same???

Finally A Place For Dads

With all the mom-focused parenting magazines, websites, blog networks, and marketing, you’d think there was no such thing as a dad. Well, the guys at DadLabs have created a voice for dads everywhere. From what looks like their basement studio, they put out several internet TV episodes each week. Basically, Wayne’s World without the bad hair. Recent topics include a debate about Beer at kids birthday parties, and a product test of a Touch Free Diaper Pail.? Go Dads!

True Origins Of Santa Claus

There is much lore about how Santa Claus came to be. And lots of cynics will tell you it?s part of the commercialization of Christmas, a plot by the retailers and greeting card industry to get people to spend lots of money each year.

I have my own theory on the origins of Santa Claus. The whole concept was devised by a parent, probably one with at least three kids like me. Think about it. Santa only brings presents to good little boys and girls. Parents are always looking for some enticement to get kids to behave. And, Santa is always watching to see if you?ve bad or good. Simply brilliant! Now we just need to work this into other times of the year?

Bumbo Chair Recall. Are We Going Too Far?

News yesterday of yet another child product recall, this time for the Bumbo chair. We’ve used the Bumbo chair for years and it is a great product. It allows babies to sit up before they can do it themselves. Thing 3 loves to sit in his Bumbo and watch his brothers play. It’s like he’s one of the big boys.

The reason for the recall is not due to some product defect. Rather, it is due to misuse, and frankly, lack of common sense on the part of some parents. While the Bumbo is good for keeping babies “stuck” in the chair, it isn’t fool proof, and babies can sometimes get loose. It clearly says this when you buy the product. Not to make light of serious injuries which have occurred, but it seems obvious not to put a Bumbo on a table or counter, or anywhere the baby could get hurt if he falls out. If you put the Bumbo on a carpeted floor, the baby won’t get hurt when he falls out.

So the company will now put large warning labels on the Bumbo, saying not to place on surfaces where the baby would get hurt if he falls out. They even published a gallery of videos showing safe use of the Bumbo. Isn’t this a little extreme? I mean, do parents really need to be told not to do stupid things? Should soccer balls come with a warning not to play with them near traffic? Should bikes come with a warning that you can fall off them? There aren’t any toys which, if misused, can’t cause some harm. Do parents really need to be warned about every one?

What An Oreo Can Tell You About Your Kids

The way someone eats an Oreo can give interesting insight into their personality. There is even a psychological test on the subject. Thing 1 and Thing 2 eat Oreos in very different ways, and it’s right on with their different personalities.

According to the test, Thing 1 fits into the Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie category.

You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

Thing 2 is clearly in The Whole Thing category.

This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

This video shows the two different styles in action. Regardless of how they eat them, Oreos remain a valuable technique for getting kids to eat vegetables/take a bath/stop fighting/clean up.