Brutal Honesty

If you want an honest answer, ask a kid.? You will always get the brutal truth.? Often without asking for it.

This conversation took place when I picked the kids up at preschool.? I had just gotten my hair cut.

Thing 2: Why did you get your hair cut?

SuburbanDaddy: Because it was getting too long

Thing 2: Why do you have so much gray hair?

When my hair is short, apparently the gray is more prominent.? I think we all know the 3 sources of my rapidly graying hair.

Then we went to Thing 1’s classroom.? He immediately started to laugh.

SuburbanDaddy: Why are you laughing?

Thing 1: You look like a chicken!

Next time I’ll have to consult with them before getting my hair cut.? You’ve got to love their honesty.

Saturday Is Coming

It’s Monday, but I’m already thinking about Saturday.? No, not because I’m looking forward to the week ending.? I’m trying to think what I can do with the 3 Things all day.

SuburbanMommy started a new job after new years that requires she work on Saturdays through the end of February.? That means it’s me with three little kids all day.

It’s not that I’m one of those stereotype dads who is lost when left alone with his kids.? It’s just that, until now, we’ve always worked as a team on weekends.? We’ve got the two-on-three zone defense down pat.? We either all go together, or we split up the kids – divide and conquer.? We minimize the time it’s three on one, and things ran smoothly for the most part.

I’m now three Saturdays into this new arrangement.? How’s it going?? Continue reading Saturday Is Coming

Short Order Cooking

When I got home today with the Things, it was almost 6:30.? This is the most hectic part of the day for us that I don’t look forward to.? Tired and hungry kids.? Tired and hungry parents.? Usually, SuburbanMommy gets home first to get their dinner ready (and open a bottle of wine), but tonight we got there first.

Sometimes in these situations I’ll order a pizza as we’re driving home so it gets there around the same time.? Or we’ll go through a McDonald’s drive thru.

I know, I’m a terrible parent for giving them fast food.? But we do get the apple slices…and chocolate milk still has milk in it, right?

Tonight, I didn’t feel like pizza or fast food.? And the last thing I wanted to deal with was trying to cook amid that chaos.? So I let the Things choose what they wanted to eat.? They actually ended up eating more than usual, probably because they chose it. ? Here what was on the menu:

Thing 1
* 2 blueberry pancakes (frozen, prepared in microwave)
* corn and peas

Thing 2
* 1 strawberry
* leftover mac & cheese
* 1 blueberry pancake
* fruit loops, no milk

Thing 3
* goldfish crackers
* watermelon
* fruit loops

More Chocolate Intoxication

I’ve already posted about the intoxicating effect Oreos have on my kids.? Well, today I encountered another substance with the same potency: hot chocolate.

SuburbanMommy was kind enough to load Thing 1 and Thing 2 up on hot chocolate, then leave the house with Thing 3.? I tried to play a game of Candy Land with them, but the game broke down when someone reached the part of the board with Gloppy.? In case you haven’t played Candy Land in a while, Gloppy is the chocolate monster near the finish line.

This video was taken a few minutes after the hysterics over Gloppy.? Hysterics which included Thing 2 laughing so hard, he literally peed his pants.? The playing cards are for a game of Go Fish we started, but we kept getting sidetracked by Gloppy.? I got the video camera and asked to get all their “sillies” out so we could continue the game.

A New Christmas Record?

We all know the image of Christmas morning portrayed in movies and television.? Snow gently falling on the rooftop while you peacefully wake to the aromas of breakfast and coffee.? The innocence of pajama clad children opening presents.? Blah, blah, blah.? Here’s how it went in my house this year.

We were jarred from our sleep by the not so soothing sounds of Thing 3 standing in his crib and crying at the top of his lungs.? It was 4:50 am.

Hoping to keep the others sleeping longer, Suburban Mommy rushed to the crib to try to contain the noise.? But the genie was already out of the bottle, so to speak.

Thing 1 was the next to wake up.? He is already a morning person, full of energy the second he gets out of bed.? He is also five years old, and fully aware of what awaits on Christmas morning, so you can imagine the energy as he ran downstairs this morning.? It was 4:58 am.

Thing 2 is more of a night owl, like me.? He likes to wake slowly, lay in bed for a while, watching tv.? Also like me, he can sometimes be a bit grumpy slow to wake up.? On this morning, though, he came right out of his room to head downstairs.? As soon as he looked outside, a panic came into his three year old mind.

“Is today Christmas, daddy?”

“Yes”

“But it’s not snowing!”? [starts to cry]? “It’s supposed to snow on Christmas.? It’s never going to be Christmas!”

I suppose I can’t blame him since all the holiday shows we’ve been watching for the last month – Rudolph, Frosty, Shrek the Halls – always have it snow on Christmas.

It was 5:05 am.

We were able to hold them off from opening presents until around 6 o’clock, but the excitement was too great.? Since we said we couldn’t open presents until everyone was awake (Suburban Uncle was still sleeping in the basement), Thing 1 and Thing 2 made sure that wasn’t a problem anymore by storming in to his room and getting him up.? No wonder we don’t get house guests more often.

They made such quick work of tearing off wrapping paper that we had opened all the presents by 6:45.? I’m thinking it must be a Christmas record – all presents unwrapped before sunrise.? Which was probably about the time when others, somewhere, were waking to the peaceful scene of falling snow.

Then, we set another record shortly after the presents were all opened – the earliest fight over a new toy.? It was 7:07 am.

Determined To Succeed

Single minded determination can be a good quality, and lead to some amazing accomplishments.? It took Albert Einstein eight years to develop his theory of relativity.? Michael Phelps trained for a decade on his way to winning 14 gold medals. These men had a single focus, suffering setbacks along the way, but persisting until they got to the finish line.

Thing 3 has the same determination qualities as these great achievers, albeit with a somewhat, how shall I say, less admirable end goal in mind.? He is determined, every waking moment and does everything within his power, to put his hands in the toilet.

Open the bathroom door the tiniest amount and Thing 3 tries to squirm his way through the crack like a mouse.? Like a dog, he can hear the bathroom door open from across the house and he’ll drop whatever he was doing and make a run for it.? All the while, with a mischievous grin that dares you to stop him.

Lately, Thing 3 absolutely loves bathtime, which was a welcome change from the screamfests of a few months ago.? Last night it finally occured to me why he loves taking a bath – because he is that much closer to achieving his ultimate goal.

I literally turned my head for one second, just to pour soap in the water as the tub was filling up.? In that time, Thing 3 managed to open the lid, put his arms in the toilet up to his elbows, and splash water all over the place.? It was one of those split second displays of pure athletism, much like Michael Phelps winning his 7th gold medal by 1/100 of a second.? Except I don’t recall Michael Phelps having that mischeivous laugh.

A First Time For Everything

Something I realized this Halloween is that there hasn’t been a lot of innovation in the candy industry since I was a kid.? The Things’ bags are filled with all the old familiar favorites – Snickers, KitKats, Butterfingers.

I also realized that to a three year old, there is nothing familiar about candy.? It’s all so new and cool.? Especially candy corn.

On Halloween, Thing 2 tried candy corn for the very first time.? He declared, “I love candy corn!”, even before eating it.? I guess he just loved the concept of a candy version of a vegetable.? After trying it, he also said “It’s like a mountain” and compared the taste to chicken nuggets.

Luckily, the camera was rolling to capture the moment.