CafeMom bills itself as “the largest social-networking/community site for moms AND the leading women’s/parenting site on the internet”. 
Their other claim to fame is that Andrew Shue, of Melrose Place fame, is a co-founder.
SuburbanDaddy is a modern kind of guy, secure enough in his own parenting abilities and generally in touch with his mommy side. Most of my readers are moms, and I regularly follow and comment on mom blogs, and on other parenting community sites. I was welcomed, along with many other dad bloggers, into the BlogHer advertising network, “the community for women who blog”.
So I thought nothing of it when I registered for an account at CafeMom. Then, shortly after registering, I received this email:
Your CafeMom account has been canceled because the site is ONLY for moms and moms-to-be. We recommend a site like www.parentsconnect.com (no relation).
We appreciate your cooperation.
*The CafeMom Admin Team
How ridiculous is this? With the limited amount of information given at registration, I can only assume they determined I wasn’t a mom because I used suburbandaddy as a username.? Please.? I could easily have used a different username with mommy in it, and then they would have accepted me.? What’s the point?? Isn’t this 2008?
It’s so easy to fake “gender” in the fairly anonymous medium. So what’s the point of blocking non-moms? Plus, it’s just lame. Guess it’s not the “leading parenting site” if you’re a dad.
That is really lame! What are dads??? Especially SAHD’s …….chopliver??? I truely think they are missing out on great opinions and and great advice from the “Dad” perspective.
Those mothers.
How shallow! I follow several daddy blogs and they are so insightful and funny. Looking at something from a different point of view helps you learn. I wouldn’t imagine their community is very enriching if that is their attitude.
That’s just wrong.
uhhhh….cafeMOM??????? I don’t understand why you’re so bent out of shape about the fact that you were denied access to a site for…MOMS!
If you’re sooooooooooo interested in joining the site do as you said and change your screen name.
i dont understand why you would be offended. a woman on the website posted this article and called you a CAFEMOM SPY. i thought that was hilarious. but as i sit here and read your article i can’t help but think of how much of an idiot you are. if the website is called cafeMOM.. then that is what it is for. many women on the website feel like this is OUR place, no men allowed. we go on the website to get away from the men.. like our own little sanctuary. just because you are welcome on someone else’s website DOES NOT mean you are welcome at every single website. i am positive that there are men who are posing as women on this website, as any other website where people lie about their identity. guys just need to get over it.
ok so maybe i missed something why is it such a big deal for guys to be allowed on cafemom? why would you want to in the first place? there are sites specifically made for dads and there are sites for parents of both genders as well. why not just join those and leave cafemom to the moms. i know i feel like cafemom is one of the only places i can go to just talk to other moms. if i wanted to talk to dads i would call my husband!! Why would men want to take away one of the only “sanctuaries” we have on the internet. Just let cafemom be cafeMOM!!
LOL Oh my….just one question. Since when does a “mom” only play a role of “mom” and since when does “dad only play a role of “dad?” I think as any good parent we all have to play the roles of the stereotypical “mom” and “dad.” I agree that CafeMOM is focused on women, but REALLY…who cares if a “DAD” wants to join?? Get over the man thing…think of it as a parent thing. Real men are moms too.
Here is my response
So these women would rather be duped into thinking your a mom to protect their cafeMOM euphoria?
Better to be a liar than a dad on a mom’s site? Ridiculous.
Isn’t it funny (not really) how people LOVE to come out of lurking to just cuss you out. The name calling and all that? Wow. Just wow.
Fun times! :(
Ummm… what? Then perhaps they should fire half their CEOs, VPs, etc. Take a look at the sausage fest (sorry to be obnoxious, but I’m annoyed) here:
http://www.cafemom.com/about/people.php
Cafe Mom ticks me off. And it just seems unbelievable odd to alienate potential members like that.
I have had guys register at my Type-A Mom site, and submit articles. Instead of alienating them, I’ve actually taken that as a sign my husband and I should create a dad social network… apparently, dads need one. It’s coming soon.
Meanwhile, forget Cafe Mom. And good for you for exposing them.
WOW! Two weeks ago I was personally kicked out of a group that was called “2008 babies” well as I am a very proud dad of my up coming baby being born on May 5, 2008 I joined! Three days later I was kicked out!! I did not saying anything but this is why I have made BabySpot.com inclusive not EXCLUSIVE! Although my site does not have some of the groups that they have.. yet….wait until you see what we are working on! All Moms and Dads are welcome!
Thanks for this blog! I feel like I was able to let some steam out…..
Okay…Bill’s comment cracked me up.
No offense, but CafeMOM is for moms and moms-to-be. Why would you want to read about pregnacies, birth and periods???? I’m sure there are other sites out there for dads, if not, here’s your chance to create your own… start with CafeDAD!
Yeah, start a CafeDAD, kick all of the moms out who try to join, and see where that gets you. The problem is there are those types of women out there who think they are entitled to have a place all their own, with no men allowed, and everyone should agree with it. But, if the tables were turned, and they were excluded based on their gender, those same women would bend over backwards to let the world know how unfairly they were treated. It’s a double standard like none other.
I, being a mom, enjoy CafeMom, but I can certainly see your point, as I have seen the double standard in action on many occasions.
CafeMom is a sight for uptight women who have nothing else better to do then sit and bitch about how the baby is crying and they don’t have enough time to make dinner. Blah blah blah yet they sit at home ALL DAY!or how the kids love dad more (probably because HE DOESN’T BITCH! HELLO!!!) Pay attention people! Women are jealous creatures! I am sorry they treated you so unfairly. The double standard has got to stop! Keep fighting for Male equality. I am all for it!
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I know the feeling. You should check out Parentricity http://www.parentricity.com which is open to both moms and dads and welcomes dads with open arms.
Are you really that butt hurt that you’re not wanted on cafeMOM? Omp… shut up and grow a pair. Talk about bitching!
Really dude? Strap on a pair. Why on earth would you want to be on CafeMOM in the first place? What could you possibly have to contribute?
You want to be a member? Fine. Here’s a little warm up for you:
How long after I give birth will I get my first period? Will it be light or heavy flow? When can I go back to using tampons?
Is it better to to use a hand held or electric pump to express breast milk? What does it mean when it comes out yellow instead of clear?
When my daughter poops neon green is it because of something she ate or should I take her to a doctor?
How often should I be doing kegals to keep my vagina from ripping when I deliver?
WHat’s that? You don’t kow? Did any of those questions make you uncomfortable? Then cafeMOM is not the place for you.
Go toss a football or fix something why don’t you.
While I understand that dad’s would want parenting advice as well, I think the best part of cafemom is that is it supposedly a female based site.
Where else I can I go and discuss eating the placenta to help hemorrhaging and PPD after delivery.
Well, I guess I’m not -that- uncomfortable with discussing it around men. Lol.
Cafemom should create a daddy site though.
Its just encouraging males to lie, which ironically they do not want and is one of their chief concerns regarding “bad people”, but what choice are they really giving non-mothers to do? Even women without kids are kicked out, not just men.
If they want a member to be a mother, then they’ll say they are a mother and get what they need anyway. Until there’s a way to physically stop someone, they’re going to join anyway. “Men aren’t allowed” isn’t enough of a deterent. They are parents, too.
This is a top “parenting” advice website. As such if someone is determined enough, they will find a way.
In the case of Cafemom, there isn’t much you have to do to get around the “Moms Only” restriction and just sign up and you’re in for good and can get some great parenting insight as long as you play it cool and don’t give yourself away somehow.
to add: Cafemom doesn’t only talk about female issues. In fact they talk about A LOT of non-parenting and non-gender specific topics, making the gender restriction all the more illogical.
True, most guys don’t want to see posts about pregnancies and breastfeeding, so they don’t go to those threads. But there’s litereally 1000s of other threads that they will be interested in.
It really is dumb to have rule you feel so strong about that you cant’ truly enforce.
I think its retarded your so upset about Cafemom rejecting you. Its not discrimination, its simply a site geared for moms. You shouldnt be interested anyway, unless youre some type of fruit basket…but maybe you are.
Second, to “Amanda” and all the other sexist acting bitches that are posting. Ya, its retarded he got so offended at Cafemom, but its also equally as stupid that you would sit here and act like a dad doesnt know jack shit about their child or even as weird as it sounds, their wives menstrual cycle. You think you know everything, but if your husband is doing what he should, he should be holding your hand through every step of life, and learning about things on the way. So whos to say he couldnt contribute in some way? fucking moron.
Always humorous to see women go froth at the mouth, call you retarded, an idiot, etc… when all you are doing is asking for some parity in the whole “equality” thing.
Years of screaming for equal rights and access to everything… huge protests, forced entry into “Men Only” organizations… but boy, you want to join a community dedicated to Moms (which should be an HONOR to them – a man wanting to learn from their wisdom) and LOOK at all the Banshees wailing…
Amazing… you women are the equivalent of your misogynistic male counterparts from the 1920’s.
Brilliantly executed, and well played.
why would a man want to join cafemom? hmmm let’s see..there are a couple of groups (including my own) where the girls like to post sexy pics of themselves.granted nudity is not allowed but there is alot of breast and other body parts the girls like to show off.there are lesbian groups who has very hot stories about other women,personally if i were a man i would love to join these groups.that is the only reason(unless your gay)i think a man would want to join.cafemom is the only place where i can just be myself and not have to worry being messed with by a man!!
I am new to my area, and wanted to find resources for my young (2y old) boy. My wife being stationed overseas means I am doing this on my own. I tried to look in to networks that would give me advice about my son and possibly let me arrange playtimes with other children. It is impossible to find them though. EVERY orgnazation I have tried told me sorry I am not a mother. It pains me how they can turn down needy people looking for help because of gender.
LAUGH MY F-ING ASS OFF AT THE LAST FEW POSTS!
It’s evidently clear that someone from cafemom got their butt hurt so much that they felt they had to post on the forum. No offense, but you women are going to take this to offense anyways, CafeMom is filled with pms-ing women who instead of should be making dinner and soothing their crying toddlers, they yell at other women who aren’t a part of their mean girls clique.
Having said that, suburbandaddy, stay out of there. You’d hate us women even more.
I’d also like to include that not ALL cafemoms are this way, the MAJORITY ARE THOUGH!
Men join anyway. They just keep it to themselves and participate in a productive way in the discussions. Most of the topics are general topics anyone can talk about. In some cases a male perspective would be welcome. I’m positive they are getting more than a few without realizing it.
If the women there think there’s no men because of the website title, then they are very naive. Text on a screen is not a physical barrier. And just because some has a set of boobs doesn’t make them trustworthy to tell personal info to. Women can be “evil”, as well. And we’re all strangers there.
I say work with the dads, not against them, since there’s nothing stopping them from joining anyway and they aren’t given any choice but to either share with a spouse or hide behind a screenname and while using the site any way. If you work with them then they can at least be open about themselves.
Its easy to talk normally on there and use the right pronouns when referring to himself or his spouse. Using DH (Dear Hubby) is how you refer to your spouse and is accepted, cuz no one’s going to say “my wife” without getting someone reporting them to Cafemom. It may be a minority on there, but I’m sure there’s some good dads using the site in cognito and not hurting a dang thing.
Its really dumb.
The site is pretty nasty. When it first started it was a place for women to get support from people when they had no other support or anyone to talk to girl to girl. But over the years it has become fulled with hateful, heartless, hurtful people. Women who would never say a word to anyones face in public all of a sudden has a whole lot to say to someone who has different views.
you cannot raise your children different, you cannot watch different shows, you cannot be YOURSELF without being attack and jumped all over for doing so.
It is now a site for women who have no lives and only crave the drama and plain evilness that comes from all the negative attention they are giving and getting.
Things about people needing advice or a death of a loved one or things that are happy and positive and nice are ignored and only the posts about the lady next door who yells a lot, or the dick head at the store who used food stamps while he looked at his blackberry, and gossip posts get the attention.
And god forbid you have any other view than what the majority of the women on there think you should have.
The creators and moderators are doing nothing to remedy it and I see nothing be negativity bring the website crashing and burning.
I love cafemom. :-P
I would prefer to pretend cafemom is all women. I (and I’m sure others) would not feel comfortable posting some of the things I do if men were also allowed in the forums. It’s just like men not being allowed in the women’s restroom to me I guess.
why would you want to join a site for women? Why not just join a dads site?
Its called Cafe MOM. I would expect for it to be only for moms and women. My girl is obsessed with that site but I wouldn’t want to join it because I am yet to sprout a pussy. I would join a dad site.
Hey now, I’m a member of Cafemom, it’s a site for women. Women need to have girl talk sometimes and vent about you guys. I wonder would I be allowed to join a man’s group?
I am a group owner over in Cafemom and have been there since I had my daughter almost 2 years ago.
I can say this, I am kind of happy that it is a woman’s only site. I discuss somethings there that I wouldn’t want to discuss with a man. Mainly because they probably wouldn’t understand. I was a babycenter member for a while but I found that the women there are way more tame, mainly due to the rules and restrictions there but also because you just can’t let loose when you know you are also talking to men in the group.
Sorry they didn’t accept you to the group but I think it is slightly asinine to sit and think that CafeMOM is discriminatory when it caters to women.
(As for the comment about transgender men and women, we have them in there. I know of one member who is a transgender woman to man. he is very much accepted especially since he gave birth. I follow his story on his overall transformation and so do many others).
as a member of cafemom, i apologize profusely! i’ve heard of this happening and i just don’t understand it! personally, i see it as sexism and it’s not right. i think that dads, especially SAHD’s and single dads should be welcomed there with open arms. unless they start a site similar for dads only. i’m just… gah! i don’t even know what to say other than i’m sorry.
As former long time member over there, trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to be part of that site. Just look at the public posts on the site. They advocate hate towards men, fight all the time, and is full of cyber bullies. They are not talking bettering their parenting skills, but are ignoring their children to argue with ever1yone. They have a low rating on site jabber for a reason and send their little minions like Blue up above to promote their pathetic site. Most of the “members” are fake accounts made by the bullies on the site.