My post about CafeMom discriminating against dads sparked quite a reaction from many CafeMom elitists members. I was called “CafeMom Spy” and “idiot”. Yikes.
I got some support from some of my dad peeps – Bill and Jason. And, lo and behold, I got supportive comments from some moms, too. Thank you Vicky and Jenny. I’m glad I’m not alone on this one.
I still maintain that CafeMom’s policy is ridiculous. Certainly, any group of individuals should be allowed to create a community just for them. If women want a women only club, so be it.
But, if you have a policy against men, you need to have a way to actually know if someone is a woman. Uh, hello, the internet is anonymous. There is no way to tell someone’s sex simply by their user name or email. CafeMom didn’t even ask if I was a woman when I registered. They just assumed based on the name I gave them. If I really wanted to, I could pick something that sounds like a mom, just so I could register (btw, I haven’t done this, so I guess I’m not a spy). So I ask again, how is this policy not ridiculous?
Tell me, how does CafeMom’s policy apply to the pregnant man? Yes, pregnant man. Born a female, legally becomes a man with help of hormones and surgery, then carries a baby.
One of the comments asked “why a guy would want to join CafeMom in the first place?”. I say, why wouldn’t he? By their own press, CafeMom is the leading parenting site on the internet – passing mainstream sites like iVillage and Babycenter. Guess what, I’m also registered at iVillage and Babycenter.
The funny thing is, CafeMom was started by two men! I guess they aren’t allowed to register and participate on the site either.
And yet if men exclude women from a dadcentric parenting website, he’d be lynched and Oprah would do an hour on it.
Not only unfair, their policy is probably illegal in the US. If I were to start a site and had the provision that only men could join, there would be a backlash of Mutha’s out there whining about unfair to wommen, sexism . Contact a lawyer and sue their mommy butts!
This is just plainly ridiculous! I read the first post and thought, LOL, but nothing more. Imagine my reaction to go back and see mothers calling you an idiot for wanting to access a site that declares itself the best on the web! So, as a man, you’re not supposed to want to talk about child related issues, in case these women feel they are talking to their husbands? Do they even have husbands? With that attitude, if I was a man I think I’d run a mile. I hope they don’t have daughters, because imagine the man hating generation that would spawn over their mother calling someone a SPY because they wanted to join a website that had MOM in the name! Even if this person was a, shock horror, MALE! Who did his best to raise his children in the best way possible. I guess you guys just aren’t capable of that unless you’re a MOM! Get yourself that honoured title guys, and you might be allowed to join this website. With that attitude, you’re probably best off bypassing them anyway. I think you should start CafeDad and boycott all those with a female sounding name, hehehehe! OK, rant over now!
Oh, and by the way….am I a man or am I a woman? Just because my name is Rebecca and said earlier if I was a man I’d run a mile……am I lying? I might be. I might not be. See how easy it would be for me to join CafeMom, even if I am a man! But I might not be….you just don’t know!
SuburbanDaddy, I know you strive to maintain objectivity and fairness on this blog, so I apologize in advance for this post. I just can’t help myself. My blood just ran cold when I read your post and the responses. I’m stunned. And obviously naive.
I’ve never met people like divasis02 and Nichole in my life, unless of course these are people who act one way in public and completely differently online.
However, since they plainly stereotype against people without breasts, I’m sure they won’t mind if I share my mental image of these delightful ladies here. They are blonde. They donate to Jerry Falwell’s memorial fund regularly. They use the Rhythm Method and are certain their husbands haven’t cheated on them. It’s simply rash. They boycott Google because they believe that the new Street View feature is actually a live camera into their living rooms, in which they store leather belts for beating their children into submission. (If it was good enough for them, it was good enough for their kids. Time out is for liberals.)
Oh, and Razberry? The Internet is not for Sanctuaries. Intranets are. Get a dictionary.
The lamest part is that it’s a site created by men! Damn you Andrew Shue!
I knew ever since he cheated on Courtney Thorne Smith on Melrose Place he couldn’t be trusted!!
I should join. See what they do with my URL…
Bill
billandjill.com
It’s all about being a devoted parent accessing resources and sharing insights for the betterment of parenting. Gender should not be an issue.
As a CafeMom member, I can understand both sides of the story. CM is having a really hard time with fakes and hoaxes right now, making us ‘real moms’ feel vulnerable and deceived. I don’t think you’re an “idiot” for wanting to join one of the best parenting websites out there, though
If cafemom let men on it would be a freakfest..all the pervs would come out of the woodwork,we put pictures of our kids on there we dont need a pedophile looking at them
Last time I checked, pedophile did not have a gender-specific definition. There are male AND female perverts out there–if people are worried about perverts seeing their kids’ pictures and other information online, then maybe they shouldn’t be online for the greater public to view.
There are always going to be ways to get around these kinds of “rules”…why go to the trouble to keep out the people (mom or dad) who actually have good intentions?
And what about gay relationships with 2 dads who are looking for a maternal perspective on their parenting–should they should be denied this valuble information (from the “leading parenting site on the internet”), as well?
It is ridiculous to say men shouldn’t join because they might be pedophiles! These are people’s fathers you’re talking about. You should always be careful about what kinds of pictures you are posting of your children, because if a pedophile really wanted to join cafemom, he or she would find a way. I’d imagine it would be easy if all you need is a feminine-sounding nickname! (I’ll never know for sure because I now have no interest in joining.)
To Jenny: hear hear – I think has put a lot of women, and possibly men, who may have wanted to join, very much off of the idea! Also, she’s right, if a pervert wanted to come look at your kids then believe me he will find a way! Or she! How can you state that women are blame free! Haven’t you heard of Myra Hindley? (she may be British but I think her crimes against children are famous worldwide). Well anyway, this is completely ridiculous: well done, CafeMom members, for (hopefully) damaging your own target audience and (also hopefully) opening a few of your members’ eyes to what your parenting morals really are. Remember, without men, there wouldn’t be a CafeMom, because without men, you wouldn’t be Mom’s. Give them the respect they deserve, and maybe you could stop resorting to calling people ‘spys’ because they want to do the best by their children.
It still wouldn’t seem right having men on cafemom,hell alot of them hardly get along with their own husbands,why would they want to deal with some male strangers BS..but this site doesnt let women join..go bash on them for a while http://www.daddys-den.com/
this is crazy!
Mommy,
One of the major differences is that Daddy’s Den (which truly is a horrible dad site) doesn’t tout itself as the best PARENTING site on the internet, Cafe Mom does. If it’s a parenting site, what justification is there for excluding half of parents? Just because I have outdoor plumbing instead of indoor doesn’t make me less of a parent.
Male strangers BS? How about Female strangers BS? I honestly feel sorry for the moms that do not get along with their husband/partner…. sounds like they need a “therapy site,” not a “parenting-site.” (I honestly do not mean that to be ugly towards anyone.)
This is really crazy. As women we don’t want to be excluded so why should we exclude men?
Anyway, this makes me want to start a social site for parents run by women for parents of any race, creed, nationality, color, religion, etc. can join!
If people think the info they put on sites like CafeMom and facebook aren’t public they might be surprised what actually does show up on the WWW.
Dude, that is just so wrong, to be told you can’t join club mom, not that you wanted to join.
Parenting is parenting. Get over it dudettes
Very Well said!!
I just wanna say @rob — cafemom’s behavior is most certainly unfair and ridiculous but it is most certainly not illegal.
I was a member of cafemom.com for 3 weeks until today! I was told that one of my post contained a word that was a derogatory slur against disabled people, however I didn’t use it in that context. So I went and checked out their terms of service and in there it does state that anything posted in a hateful way or against anyone of race, religion so on and so forth would be deleted, but I ma not a hateful or racist and didn’t at all use it in that way. So I canceled my membership because I felt they were bing too sensitive and explained to them that if they were going to take down my posts then they should take down any post with a curse word in it because that may offend others too. But getting to the point! In their Terms of Service it states that cafemom.com does not discriminate again race, religion, sexual preference and gender and in your case you were very much discriminated against because of your gender in which you only claimed it by your screen name. They should really go back and read through their own words before canceling someone’s account.
oh and if it’s going to claim that they are the leading parent site then it should be for PARENTS! They should say the leading website for MOTHERS! And has anyone seen some of the bulletins posted there? A lot of them have absolutely nothing to do with motherhood or parenting at all!
Honestly I am a member of cafemom and I do think some of the things that they vent about are just simply dumb lol. I think the insight from a mens perspective could help out a lot, its sad that a site that was created by men discriminates against men, to me that really makes no sense at all and I am baffled at how immature and highschoolerish some of these women are acting just because a real dad- a good one in fact wants to join somewhere discuss parental issues!
I really don’t get what the hype about cafemom is anyway. I cancelled my account today after a year. I found the moms on there to be very snobbish and very “my way or the highway”. It also seemed that the majority of the moms were really young and military wives—there is nothing wrong with being a military wife, it just isn’t something I can relate to. I always felt ignored on the site, but SuburbanDaddy if you want to join you should be allowed to. It’s ridiculous that men aren’t allowed to join. There are plenty of men out there who are single dads, stay at home dads, or just simply dads who are tuned in to their families, and I’m sure that they would like they same support and comfort that moms get from cafemom (or I assume that they get–I didn’t). Maybe there should be another social networking site for PARENTS that is an alternative to cafemom. If there is already could someone point me in that direction. I was anti cafemom before I read this and now my negative opinion of the siter has more than doubled.
SuburbanDaddy, I think that you would be highly disappointed in what you would find if you became a member of cafemom anyway. But more power to you for trying.
I would like to say, although it won’t make me popular on here I disagree with most of the posts before me on this blog.
I’m a young, single dad who is engaged to be wed in January. My fiance, a soon to be step-mom was searching for somewhere or someone who could relate to her situation from a woman’s perspective, so I searched online and found Cafemom.com and linked it to her, she signed up and she has been very happy with the service ever since, she’s found women who are going through the same issues like with my ex wife being vindictive, or questions she has about discipline as a step parent to just throw a few out there. As many times as I have told her ,”Just love her (my daughter) unconditionally, and teach her things.” she still needs a community to go to where there are other step mothers or step mothers to be who will understand the questions from her view..
I think you people seem a little narrow minded, not EVERYTHING should be inclusive, if they allowed guys on Cafemom, chances are good that some men would find that a good opportunity to solicit women who are just looking for other women to relate to, not a date and that’s not what the site is intended for.
In contrast Guys have always wanted to know what girls write in their diaries from childhood. This might be another reason why we are even talking about this. I mean can you honestly look me in the eye, through your screen and tell me that you want to sign up and be a Cafemom??? If that’s true, then I say to you, don’t be a pannywaist, brother.
Now now, before you go on the “Best site on the internet and I want in” Spiel, in 10 seconds I found http://www.fathersforum.com/ and it looks like a great forum. Check it out.
So let the girls have their exclusiveness. It gives them a niche where they can go to relate to other women, in similar scenarios without being distracted by the opposite sex. Just my $.02
I use Cafemom everyday. I check my mail and new posts, again EVERY day. I use this site to see if there are other women sharing same pregnancy symptoms or having toddler troubles. I apologize men, but you are not the most sympathetic, or empathetic gender, and yes it’s easier talking to a WOMAN who has had a baby, knows the hormone troubles, knows how men can be when you are pregnant and THINK they understand. Sorry, but you can’t, won’t, and probably don’t even try. So to all of you men who want to sue. Start your own website or leave the toilet seat up for some liberation!
I have pregnant fiance, she has daughter from a previous relationship, CAFEMOM fills in where I cant! Knowing that she is chatting on a mommy forumn instead of on the phone with another dude or getting homoned up by a local jealous girlfriend is big relief. ALL YOU PUSSY ASS BITCHES OUT THERE< GET A LIFE!!!!!! how in the hell do get off complaining about this site for women, when most of you do your best to try to spend as much time without the wife as possible!!! BUY A 4×4 or go fishing HOLY SHIT!! I just dont get it, I personally have account at mymudspce.com, its my mansite for al the guystuff I cant find on cafemom, and as for not being able to be with the moms, your the origonal writer of the hole deal, start cafedad or something but you cant be one of the moms so why is this even guys are suposed to take the kids fishing hunting trucking outdoors ect… you cant be mom if your dad and the kids understand it more than you will ever know!!! I have raised 3 myself and am working on 4 and 5
OK, Matt M. I soooo agree. Anyways, for the sake of it I thought I’d list a site for dads. Not too shabby so here goes: http://www.daddaily.com/
And from the looks of it, I am not allowed and I am OK with that! There are just some things that women just want to talk to other women about and some things men just want to talk to other men about. Not everything has to be coed.
And no, not every woman on Cafe Mom goes on to blah blah blah… ;D
Well, hope this helps you and any other father feeling left out. Oh and there is another site for both moms & dads… Coolerparents.com It’s not CafeMom, but it is coed.
I’m a dude, and I’ve been on CafeMom – actually for a period of several months last year. As a rough estimate, I’d say that around 20% of the groups that are formed in CafeMom are actually strictly about parenting, with another maybe 20% are regional, or about other mundane group things.
However, there are a large number of groups that appear to be for all the women who really never mentally left high school. Parenting is rarely mentioned, other than to put someone down. The women have photo contests where they flash their underwear, have fights based on who is a fake or sock puppet, on who allows or doesn’t allow who in whose group, and on who betrayed who somehow (given they’re anonymous internet people who have never met in real life), and also inane polls on who is the cutest, most annoying, etc. All this crap establishes some sort of hierarchy to someone, despite the fact that most of the people in these groups are, frankly, idiots who have no business having children. And women who stir up a lot of trouble in these groups are allowed back over and over, particularly by the people who hate them most.
Anyway, if you somehow missed high school, or miss it now, gosh, go to CafeMom. Relive the past, or maybe relive it how you wish it had been!
Note to A Man: Wait until your wife becomes addicted to CafeMom, logging in and going on that site 12 hours a day, barely pausing to feed or bathe the kids. Fun times
I didn’t not have an idea that there was a “war” going on about cafemom. Im a member of CafeMom and had just saw a post that led me here. First of all let me tell you that if your going there for help you wont get it. It think in the maybe 2 years ove been on there ive had 25 views at the most on a post. If it has nothing to do with drama or stirring up crap then dont bother. Unless your wanting yourself or significant other rated from 1-10 than they will be all over it. I definately agree with a comment above about having a dad’s point of view or input on a situation being a good thing. Another thing that I dont understand about cafemom users is that they dont have a mind of their own anymore. Ive seen posts where the kid is turning blue or bleeding…and they get online to find out what other moms would do in their situation. Anyways your not missing anything by not getting to join cafemom. Have a good day
you really need to get a life. Alot of us women get on cafemom to get away from MEN and talk about anything and everything without dealing with some guy making passes or treating the site like a dating site. It is not that we are man haters or anything we just want a place of our own to talk about womens issues and pregger and parenting issues. Until your privates can litterally pass a infant thru it and your boobs ache from breast feeding GIVE IT UP!!! FInd a daddy group and leave us and our PMS or whatever alone!!!
If you don’t know who the gender is, then it shouldn’t matter as long as they are providing a positive experience anf intentions. Not every man is into the stereotype male things and some men get along and relate better with females or want a female perspective. And to be honest, Cafemom has far more things to do there and is far more interesting that those lame Daddy sites that don’t have anything there at all.
I been there awhile now. And other than my gender, I’m totally honest about who I am and what I do with the kids and participate in all the discussions and minigames and even have a few “friends”.
I’ve learned over time how to play along and know the right things to say, but as well as I’m liked and get along and follow the rules, I know I have to maintain appearances or get deleted based on some sexist, short-sighted, paranoid viewpoint that all men must be evil because of a few bad eggs and experiences some people have had.
Another poster pointed out that the registration is completely open. They verify nothing. As such it would be very naive to assume that some good-intentioned dads don’t join up sometimes and just keep a low profile or share accounts with a wife and just let people think they are her.
Some guys have no other social outlets. This is it (the internet) and those Dad sites and myspace type places don’t give you what you need. As long as they aren’t harming anything (and no one knows), I don’t see the need to make a stink about it.
I am a CM member and if you don’t like CM because you aren’t allowed because you are a MAN then go to the daddy only site which is the Male Version of CM…. its called dadsdaily.com…
Women GIVE BIRTH to the kids, we spend most of the time with the kids for the most part and I’m trying to understand how it is that we can’t have one place to call our own without some man acting worse than some of the bitches on the site!?!?!
Get over it or have a sex change and adapt to giving birth!
Just MO.
Maybe there should be a redefinition of the term, ‘mom.’ Grandma’s who raise their grandchildren are momlike.
The nosy neighbor who screams at the boys riding their skateboards in the middle of the street and yet offers all the kids whole candybars at Halloween is a mom, part time.
An older sibling who, because of family crisis, has stepped in to take care of the younger children is a mom.
So, by my definition, if you take care of children, without being paid to do so and are interested in connecting with other ‘moms’ to express concerns and joys you should. You deserve it, end of story!
To those moms who want a woman only experience, the truth is parenting isn’t just a woman thing. Even for single parents, lots of other people contribute to your child whether or not you realize it; neighbors, librarians, teachers, etc. Many of these people are not female and that’s a good thing, children need guidance from many sources.
It is called cafeMOM for a reason. it’s for mothers. So why would men need to join? Also, the pregnant man thing is pretty rare. It’s not you go out and see pregnant men walking around everywhere
Its ok, Dads, you can join too as long as you don?t tell em you?re a guy. They don?t ask for gender during registration and have no way of knowing whose who or what behind the screen names. Just play it cool, and you?ll be able to participate the same as everyone else there.
Why would a man want to go on a mom site anyway? The only reason i could think of is if your a puss or something. I meen come on realy? What man wants to hang out with bunch of women in the first place? I can understand hangen our with a bunch of women if it was sexual but guess what its not. And do you know how many places a man can go to get away from women? How many times does a man get wraped up in a game he is playing? How long do men spend at the hardware or tool stores? How often do they spend just going and looking at cars and such? And the one place a woman can go where there are no men that they no of men want to take it away. On cafemom we talk about our sex life or lack of sex life, we talk about our kids, we talk about our husbands (the good and bad about them), we talk about pets, we talk about everyday stresses that men just don’t know about. I am a stay at home mom of 2 kids, 3 dogs, and 2 cats. My husband works 10 hour days so yes i go on cafemom to talk to other stay at home moms. My husband doesn’t know what i put up with during the day because he isn’t here. He doens’t know how many times i have to clean the livingroom or do dihes, or how many peaces of clothes i have to put stain remover on, or how cleanng his shit stains out of the toilet hurts me knees. So to all of you men who like to still keep women under your thumb at all times and want to know what they are talking about to other women quit your bitchen and go look at a nice car, or go bitch at your buddies about your wife, or go fishing,go jump your motorcycle or something…come on be a man and quit your whinning because your wife, girlfriend or just some random women won’t let you on their web site. Also one more question…If you came on cafemom and saw a women crying because her asshole husband beat the shit out of her, or lost a child, or is going threw a realy hard divorce or something that is very emotional, How many men would get emotionaly attatched to this woman? Even if it wasn’t on cafemm how often does it happen when you actually talk to th the girl face to face? Because lt me tell ya something A women can talk to another women and not want to bone her. So that is why men are not allowed. All the time women are feeling the presure of men wanting them for more then one reason and on cafemom we don’t want that. We want to go to the one spot where we don’t have to deal with the men thinking with their dicks….so for once can we please have a little damn privacy. We barely get privacy when we are at home. We can’t piss,shit,or lay in bed naked with out a kid comming in or a huband commen in to ask what were doing. I meen come on can we have one place of privacy?
I’ll tell you right now why men would want to join Cafemom: the women there get raunchy.
They frequently post pictures of themselves on the most popular group that could be considered soft core porn. Those titles are usually along the lines of “Show Me Your Boobs!”. They discuss intimate details of their sex life luridly describing what they like most in bed. Surprise, guys, anal sex with genital stimulation seems to be the preferred sexual position.
They get in verbal cat-fights, attacking eachother’s views on politics, religion, parenting, usually huge amounts of profanity. They get offended by the smallest things: if a mother breast feeds or formula feeds some mother on Cafemom is bound to start calling another the most hilarious obscenities you could imagine.
They are ill-behaved, slutty, foul-mouthed wretches and it is beyond funny to imagine that the woman shopping in front of you in line might just be the one who posted pictures of herself masturbating and admitting that she got herself pregnant by another woman’s husband in order to steal him, or maybe the one who tracked down another member’s family to stalk them on Facebook, or maybe the one who does not use soap and makes toilet paper out of used baby blankets and rinses it out to use again and again.
It’s a confirmation that women are just as fucked up as men; and it is entertaining as fuck all.
Fireandice has a very narrow minded (and stereotypical) view of men. Not all men are into cars, and hardware and sports and are not homosexual in any way. Stay at home Dads have no other reliable place to go. They do the same things you described as a SAHM. Your stereotype male would have no interest in talking to a SAHD about the things we do as home parents, as such talking to people that do (moms) is the obvious route.
Its a very easy and useful site to browse thru, get helpful advice and socialize on, and as long as the dad never implies he’s a dad, everything is perfect, other than not being able to be honest about being male, everything else the dad talks about is perfectly honest and truthful (ie daily activities, etc as a SAH Parent).
btw – Privacy online doesn’t truly exist and telling a buncha strangers your secrets because they happen to be female is just unwise. Females can have bad intentions, as well.
Take care all :) SAHD on CafeMOM — its MOM for a reason— always cracks me up –its run by men :)
lol
I’m disgusted by the crud articles on that site. Sure, I’m a feminist…but not a modern one. I love men for who they are. And I’m not gonna feminize them in any way.
I wonder how these women stay married. How can men take this abuse? I will never understand but wish I could. I just want to know why men marry some of us when all we do is disrespect them at every chance we get.
I tried to make an account on cafemom, I am a single father with special needs children, I even told them that I was transgendered and gay and they still had me banned because I was “Male”. Bunch of BS. Plus the women on there aren’t there to help anyone, all they do is troll hunt and make fun of people and engage in HS drama. Some of the members started following me to other sites and harassing me AFTER I was banned from their site! I had to close down my blog because they would not leave me alone. They are all crazy.
I was a cafemom member, and I think it’s one trashy blog spot. Beyond that, why the hell wouldn’t you start a site for single fathers? Seriously. Get a freakin life.
Or start a site for fathers period?