Category: parents today

Parenting Poll Of The Week – College vs Retirement Savings

Every parent knows how expensive college will be by the time our kids are old enough to go. The question is, what to do about it? SuburbanMommy and I argue about discuss this on a regular basis. How much we should be saving now for our kid’s college, and how much for retirement?

My position is that I’d love to pay for their college, but I don’t know today how much I’ll be able to afford in 18 years, or what our financial situation will be like then. Stuff happens. So to take money off the table now, by putting it into a 529 account, instead of, say, our own retirement accounts, seems like it could be risky down the road. What if we put too much into the college accounts now, only to realize in 30 years that we don’t have as much in retirement as we need? Will we wish we hadn’t diverted so much money to college accounts?

SuburbanMommy feels that we can do both. Put some money towards college and some towards retirement. If we don’t put it away now we’ll never have it later (i.e. she we will spend it). This is probably the right, best of both worlds approach, and it is what we are doing now.

But I still wonder amount how much is the right amount? The kids can always borrow money for college. I’d rather they didn’t have all that debt, but at least the option is there for them. You can’t borrow for retirement.

Well, maybe I could rely on my kids to fund my retirement. Since they won’t have any college debt, I’m sure they’d be more than happy to help out dear old dad. Oh wait, they’ll be saving for their kid’s college.

[poll=9]

Stressed Out Parents Make Kids Sick

Interesting research is out that found that children who had anxious or depressed parents were more likely to get sick. The study was led by Dr. Mary Caserta from the University of Rochester.

Caserta teamed up with Peter Wyman, associate professor of Psychiatry at the University of Rochester, who designed surveys aimed at evaluating levels of stress in the parents. After six months, the parents were asked to take the test to measure their amount of anxiety and depression. What they found was that the children who were sick more often were those of parents with the highest levels of stress.

Here’s a possible explanation. Maybe the parents were more stressed because their kids were sick?

Seriously, what is a parent to do with this information?? Stop getting stressed, it’s making your kids sick.? Oh, OK, I’ll just turn the stress off.? I mean, we all know stress is bad in so many ways.? But it’s not exactly something that’s easy to control or turn off.? Especially, like in this case, when the source of the stress (kids), is also the recipient of the consequences.

Homeschooling Is A Hot Topic

When I was starting out as a bartender while in college, I was given a valuable piece of advice. I was told to always avoid religion and politics as topics, because bar clients, especially after a few drinks, will become very heated and at least half will disagree with my point of view and leave a lousy tip.

Now there is a third topic I know to avoid: homeschooling. I received some very spirited comments to last week’s parenting poll.

The question was whether homeschooling makes sense. As of now, the results stand at 50-50. That’s a true sign of a hot topic, two evenly divided sides.

I still can’t say I understand it, but at least I have a better take on why. Here are some of the comments:

Homeschooling has less to do with gaining a better education…and more to do with curbing the influence the rest of the world has on their children – Chuck

If your child is bullied, molested, poorly educated, has self-esteem damaged????then what – Sade

So it isn’t about the quality of the education, though that is a factor in some cases. Rather, it is an attempt to shield your kids from outside influences or different moral values. I get it.

My response would be that they will be exposed to the evils of the world eventually. Kids need to learn how survive in today’s society. Better to have them learn from the start.

Thanks for the thoughtful comments everyone.

And, as I would have done at the bar, we’ll agree to disagree. Can I top you off? And how ’bout them Giants! (sports is always a safe topic)

One Reason I’m Glad I Have Three Boys

So I’m in Panera right now, enjoying some daddy time (thanks SuburbanMommy!), and I can’t help overhearing am hanging on every word, listening to the table next to me. A mom and her 15 year old daughter are meeting with a party planner to discuss what I’m guessing is her sweet sixteen party.

Just some of the juicy tidbits…75 of her closest friends. Hotel. DJ. Professional photographer and video. Red carpet and strobe lights (no joke). Limousine. Custom invitations.

Truly THE party of the season. I’m going to ask if I can come.

When the planner asked what was the most important feature, what she wanted her friends to remember about the party, the girl said “I want it to be better than my friend Kayla’s who is having her party the month before”. Apparently, Kayla has already “stolen” many of her party theme ideas, and the coolest venue.

I’ve heard that boys are tougher when they are young, but once they become teenagers, girls are a nightmare. I believe it. Not to mention more expensive.

Does This Make Me A Bad Parent?

Like the toddler he is, Thing 2 is always in a state of perpetual sound and motion. If he isn’t jumping, singing, dancing, running, or asking questions, then he is crying, whining, fighting, or throwing something.

There is, however, one time when he stops all of the above activity and remains stationary and quiet, for many minutes at a time. It’s when he has, what we call in our house, a DD (that’s Dirty Diaper to you non-parent readers).

He likes to find a quiet spot, usually where his play animals are, and he’ll “do his business” so to speak. Thing 2 is somewhat potty trained for #1, and he doesn’t like to tell when he has a DD. So he’ll just keep playing quietly until I come over and change his diaper.

On occasion, I have known about the DD, but was enjoying the peace and quiet too much, so I didn’t change it right away. Maybe 5, 10 minutes. OK, 40 minutes. On occasion. OK, every weekend.

This isn’t that bad, right?? You know you do it, too.

Momnesia Is Hardly News

USA Today has a big article today on a condition known as “momnesia”. The basic premise is that new moms (and dads) are subject to “mental fuzziness and memory lapses that set in shortly after childbirth“. The primary causes are stress and sleep deprivation. No, really, it’s true.

At what point does this become a condition or newsworthy? I have no argument with anything in the article itself. But, come on, stating the obvious and dubbing a new name, momnesia, are hardly worthy of front page newspaper coverage. I realize USA Today is not exactly in the upper echelon of news source, but still.

Here are some highlights from the article.

One mom “occasionally leaves wet laundry in the washing machine or forgets to return phone calls“. — The horror! I once forgot to put the juice back in the refrigerator. Call the New York Times!

“Her son’s first few weeks of life have become a blur“? — No kidding.

Another mom “burned her favorite teapot by leaving it on the stove“. — Uh, I was doing this long before I had kids.? What does that say about my memory?

Must See TV – Jon & Kate

You may have heard about this family. A couple had three year old twins, then had sextuplets. As in six at the same time! I remember seeing them on the Today Show when they were born. Now, they have cameras following them all day, showing their daily life with 8 kids, which is quite comical. And I thought my days could be a challenge.

I’ve only seen one episode of Jon & Kate plus eight, but it is must see TV for anyone with small kids. I can relate to everything they are going through (on a smaller scale of course).

In the episode I saw, they were on vacation and endured flight delays and bad weather resulting in a 14 hour plane ride. Given my own experience with toddler plane travel, I can just imagine the other passengers.

Jon and Kate are very easy going and laugh at themselves a lot. I guess you’d have to with 6 toddlers. My favorite part was when Jon was showing a walk-in closet where he set up his computer, surrounded by hanging clothes. It was the only place there was room for an office. And the only place he could get some peace. Buried in the closet.

Funny thing is, I *completely* understand why he did it.