rants | SuburbanDaddy

Momnesia Is Hardly News

USA Today has a big article today on a condition known as “momnesia”. The basic premise is that new moms (and dads) are subject to “mental fuzziness and memory lapses that set in shortly after childbirth“. The primary causes are stress and sleep deprivation. No, really, it’s true.

At what point does this become a condition or newsworthy? I have no argument with anything in the article itself. But, come on, stating the obvious and dubbing a new name, momnesia, are hardly worthy of front page newspaper coverage. I realize USA Today is not exactly in the upper echelon of news source, but still.

Here are some highlights from the article.

One mom “occasionally leaves wet laundry in the washing machine or forgets to return phone calls“. — The horror! I once forgot to put the juice back in the refrigerator. Call the New York Times!

“Her son’s first few weeks of life have become a blur“? — No kidding.

Another mom “burned her favorite teapot by leaving it on the stove“. — Uh, I was doing this long before I had kids.? What does that say about my memory?

Help! My Kids Don’t Watch Enough Television

Yes, you read that right. I want my kids to watch more TV. I’d like them to sit, quietly, for about an hour and give SuburbanDaddy a few minutes to rest.

I tried to have “movie time” on both days this weekend. On Saturday I built up the idea of watching Finding Nemo, a movie my kids have seen (at least short sections of it). They already know all the characters thanks to product marketing. We barely got past the previews when Thing 1 started asking for the shark part, and Thing 2 was jumping across the couches. Movie time over.

Sunday I tried again with Toy Story. This time, we set up in the basement. We pulled out the sleeping bag and turned off the lights. Both kids had skipped their naps so they were primed for movie watching. If the amount of time they devote to talking about it is any indication, they love Toy Story. They know all the characters and have seen enough to know what it is about. This time, ten minutes into the movie, after ten minutes of fighting over who sits where, and who gets which pillow, they start wandering off to play with trains.

No problem. They are playing nicely (read: not fighting) so I can turn on the football game instead. Ah, if only it were that easy. Thing 1 and Thing 2 have no interest in watching TV, until they see I have an interest, and then they stop everything else and demand to watch. If only they were interested in football. What would you like to watch? I ask them. Toy Story of course. Everyone gets back into the sleeping bags, lights off, movie back on. The bliss lasts just four minutes this time and we’re back to where we started.

Why won’t my kids watch TV? When I was a kid, TV was a marvel. I was happy to watch whatever I could. And the shows were crappy and had commercials, and I had to wait until they were scheduled to be on. No DVR. No on demand. Just a few channels. No remote. And I still watched!

Bumbo Chair Recall. Are We Going Too Far?

News yesterday of yet another child product recall, this time for the Bumbo chair. We’ve used the Bumbo chair for years and it is a great product. It allows babies to sit up before they can do it themselves. Thing 3 loves to sit in his Bumbo and watch his brothers play. It’s like he’s one of the big boys.

The reason for the recall is not due to some product defect. Rather, it is due to misuse, and frankly, lack of common sense on the part of some parents. While the Bumbo is good for keeping babies “stuck” in the chair, it isn’t fool proof, and babies can sometimes get loose. It clearly says this when you buy the product. Not to make light of serious injuries which have occurred, but it seems obvious not to put a Bumbo on a table or counter, or anywhere the baby could get hurt if he falls out. If you put the Bumbo on a carpeted floor, the baby won’t get hurt when he falls out.

So the company will now put large warning labels on the Bumbo, saying not to place on surfaces where the baby would get hurt if he falls out. They even published a gallery of videos showing safe use of the Bumbo. Isn’t this a little extreme? I mean, do parents really need to be told not to do stupid things? Should soccer balls come with a warning not to play with them near traffic? Should bikes come with a warning that you can fall off them? There aren’t any toys which, if misused, can’t cause some harm. Do parents really need to be warned about every one?

Can Parents Really Be Like This?

I can’t believe what I read in today’s Family Almanac column in the Washington Post. A mother of a 10 month old is asking how to get her toddler to listen to her and stop being so curious. I especially like this:

When we were on vacation, the rental home was full of objects he shouldn’t touch and I was bothered by all the “no’s” we had to give him. I also get upset when he won’t sit in his car seat.

What!? This has to be a joke. He’s 10 months old! I’m sorry you were so “bothered” by your kid on your vacation. Maybe you need to read about my vacation. If I had a dollar for every “no” I’ve given in the last 4 years, I would be RichDaddy instead of SuburbanDaddy.

Seriously, can someone be this clueless about raising a kid? I can’t wait until this parent has to deal with the terrible two’s, potty training, and all the other goodies waiting for them.

What New Parents Learn

New parents learn very quickly that late night TV, and especially early morning, sucks. I’m writing this at 5:45am, after watching the end of what could be the worst movie ever made – Staying Alive. It’s the sequel to a very good movie, but they should have known it was off to a bad start when they got Sylvester Stallone to direct a movie about Broadway dancers. But then again, this was around the time of some of Stallone’s best work like Rhinestone. How do I fall back asleep after watching something this bad?

People without kids have a big advantage

Kids are an enormous productivity drain. I have a todo list that only seems to grow, no matter how much I manage to get done. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. Case in point: It’s been 3 weeks since I made a blog entry. Any free moment I manage to squeeze in (usually in the car or the bathroom), my mind goes blank and I drift into the daddy fog. You know, that feeling you get in your car when you can’t remember the last 10 minutes.

All great inventions and ideas came from people before they had kids. Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Bill Gates, Henry Ford. There’s no way they could have come up with the light bulb and automobile otherwise. The most productive countries, measured by GDP, are those with the lowest birth rates. Ok, I’m just guessing at that one, but it wouldn’t surprise me…

Do kids have it easier today?

Last week, after yet another “snow day”, I wondered if kids today have it easier than I did. It’s a common joke that parents tell their kids When I was your age, I walked to school 3 miles. Each way. In the snow…” Cliche, yes. But when I was a kid, they didn’t cancel school at the mere prediction of snow. They actually waited for there to be snow on the ground. And if it started snowing while we were in school, they put chains on the bus tires and waited until school was over to take us home!
I think every generation of parents probably thinks they had it the hardest. And each generation of kids thinks it’s hardest now, and that their parents just don’t understand modern pressures. In the end, kids have it about the same in every generation. It’s never easy being a kid, especially if you are one. But it isn’t that hard being a kid either. Would I want to be a kid again? Probably not. So maybe it is hard. Though I wouldn’t mind being, say, twenty five again…

Barney vs Mickey vs Elmo

The most popular people in my house right now are Barney, Mickey Mouse, and Elmo. We watch the videos, sing the songs, play with the toys, and did I mention we watch the videos? It’s amazing how kids never tire of watching the same thing over and over. Taken in small doses, these are all good programs, and I enjoy the (short) peace and quiet while we watch them. But, after you’ve seen the same episodes a hundred times, these characters begin to gnaw at your brain. I cannot get the tunes out of my head. They are with me at work, in the shower, in the car. Please make it stop!

In the spirit of Superman vs Batman, Claven vs Newman, I give you Barney vs Mickey vs Elmo.

	Barney	Mickey	Elmo
Age	unknown, thought to be extinct	senior citizen 65+	3 1/2
Like To Say	I Love You	See You Real Soon	Tickle Me
Lives	Near an imaginary playground	Florida	Sesame Street
Annoying Factor	Off the charts	A little too upbeat	That voice
Hangs out With	Young kids, baby dinosaurs	Minnie the hottie, Goofy the enforcer	Mr Noodle and Big Bird
Merchandise	Videos, games, toys	Legendary	TMX